Saturday, October 2, 2010

How To Boil A Smoked Ham

Before going to sleep

"Another night spent to console a lonely man. But you, who will comfort you?"

recited more or less like a phrase that I read a couple of years ago on the platform of a tram stop. It was written with a pen, printed who knows how many days on an opaque plastic cover, full of vulgar and written handouts. It struck me particularly, I thought of a woman who was waiting for a streetcar at night probably would never have passed. Maybe he was there for shelter because it was raining. And reflect on what he saw on an evening and who knows where with who knows whom. Probably reflected the loneliness, his, man in the world. This mass of isolated individuals, which is in its inconsistency its raison d'etre.

A night to forget, to enjoy the small distraction of an adventure that you have not framed well. To try to get into that famous "Erasmus spirit" that seems more a mental construct a reality. Tonight we lost ourselves in the race complicated the fun at all costs. But not quite. Let us go to recover, resume your identity before finally throwing. Because there comes a point where you can not do, where you know you can not be like any other. A point where you realize that not all are made to comfort men only, because we're not really alone. There will be that day, too. But is not the time. Loneliness is ... Is it being restricted, unable. Think of something and not know who to tell. Smiling and receives no smile in return. Look in the mirror and feel empty. Go to sleep and slip into themselves without means of escape ... Not being alone is much more than people think. True we are all alone, but basically we are few. Because most of the time, even if we do not know there is one man who wants to smile.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Fighter Pilot Sperm Count

Where am I?

good days and bad days, days full of commitments and day on a bed doing nothing to pass. And they all the same, all last 24 hours. And no doubt it will pass. Slowly I realized that no matter what happens, because sooner or later it ends. It ends your life, nothing is forever. Your feelings and your emotions are not moments ever. They are just moments that come and go and eternity has nothing to do.
You fall asleep thinking that tomorrow you will face a difficult day, and the next day you find yourself in the same position to please because even that is gone or have yet to think about the future. As a tireless machines, without any minute when you can rest. As we had moments we intended to go and never come back.
Tonight I'm feeling philosophical, but my thoughts are almost the same for a couple of time. Tonight is also sad, say down. If I was moved watching the princess and the frog would even say that I'm not putting that well.
But because I feel like a failure. As if I were in deficit of myself. As if I was denying something. I do not know what it is that is holding me back. As part of that does not exist I want to keep with me forever. Why do not fully realize my philosophy, that of the bus to Preston "One day your life will flash in front your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching. Why block me. Perhaps because a pinch of eternal fairy tale, we still have the inside. And I can not get him out. I can not throw that away from me because is part of me. But I try. God knows I wish it were far away ... about as much as I wish it were closer. Must be my everything and my nothing. I know that will never go away ... my all until it becomes nothing.